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BP Cap to be used on Mel Gibson!

Willie B — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:02:26 +0000

So; when did they decide to fill the Gulf up with oil? And if this latest cap ‘plugs the leak’ – may we then try it on Mel Gibson’s MOUTH?

Remember the old expression ‘choose your battles’? I’m looking at YOU Fitchburg…fighting over sidewalks? As in, ‘Hey you kids – get off my lawn and play in the STREET cause we ain’t go no sidewalks!” And when we’re tired of that battle, we can go back to duking it out over The Edgewater Project or light rail in Madison or the McDonald’s they’re talking about on East Wash. Or whether Bucky is really Al Gore’s former masseuse…

“Doctor – Doctor, gimee some news”: Had patch of skin removed (how’s that laying out in the sun working for you?…:-)…no big deal…required 7-8 stitches and easy-peasy. However; sign of getting o-l-d department…Evidently, the way I laid back in the special chair for that procedure has absolutely paralyzed my achy / breaky back! Say what?!? It is absolutely killing me – but, complaining does no good whatsoever. See, my wife recently had a double knee cap replacement…Yep; both knees at once being virtually amputated…so nothing short of being buried alive on “Fear Factor” would even begin to compare. So what fun is all this pain, if I can’t tell the world?

On a lighter note; Badger football will be here before you know it, and we can see the Badgers provide the other guys with some aches and pains of their own. But still enjoying the full bloom of summer, along with bike lanes and perhaps even someday; walking the sidewalks in Fitchburg!

Really REAL Reality…?!?

Willie B — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 17:34:31 +0000

My son and I are sick…as in sick puppies…as in; people who willingly watch The Bachelorette!

Now granted; if we were, let’ say, at ‘The Home’ and perhaps couldn’t chew through the restraints on TV night – that would be a worthy explanation. But on purpose?!?

Beyond that horror fest, I also have a working knowledge of Big Boredom – er, Big Brother. Hey – let’s move Omarosa in there with Mayor Dave! Heck, Omarosa would go toe to toe with the Dali Lama if given the chance…and That’s Entertainment!

The sad thing is (it’s not already written above?!?); with the beautiful weather, and long summer evenings at a Mallards game or dinner by the lake or anything short of doing Bucky’s laundry would be an improvement to reality TV!

Man - I get enough reality in, er – REALITY!

Keep it real…sorry…:-)

Noooo Mister Bill! Nooooo!

Willie B — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 17:32:25 +0000

I’ll be 54 in September (how many shopping days?…:-)…and not complaining; but at this age, how do you tell the difference between being ‘THIS AGE’ and what might actually be wrong? Granted, at 53 I’ve long since learned I’ll never score the winning TD for the Badgers, or chosen first for anything. Except perhaps spinning your head around a bat before a Mallards game (“Help – I’ve fallen…”).

OK – back to feeling, let’s say; ‘Funky”! Finally (i.e.; per my wife) broke down and went to see the doctor – who promptly told me I’m ‘Broke Down’. Hence the BIG ‘C’ this week, as in colonoscopy. Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “things are LOOKING UP…”!!!

Insert your joke here…

Between the grief from friends, family, co-workers and the staff who make it their life’s work to do this kind of thing (!!!), all I remember from my last visit is the doctor saying something about ‘…and we’ll give you some ‘propofol‘…

Where have I heard that before??? RIGHT~! The last thing Michael Jackson heard (or took for that matter). So, either Grandma will be at the end of the tunnel saying ‘The Light doesn’t want you – go baaack” – and / or, I’ll be back on the air in a day – and the show won’t be as crappy as usual!

Sorry, couldn’t help it! But hey; no matter how bad, my day could be much worse…I could be MEL GIBSON!

Rhythm – Booms AND Strep Throat?!?

Willie B — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 17:27:41 +0000

Rhythm and Booms – and no riots? I mean, 200,000 people with a healthy mixture of FIREWORKS and BOOZE!

What could possibly go wrong with that?!?

So, another successful R&B…but as for myself; ‘Help – I’ve fallen…”

Leave it to me to get sick on my sacred VACATION! Had the big long weekend, and ambitious plans galore; take the family to Wisconsin Dells, take in a Mallards game, etc…but spending a day at my doctor’s office on E. Wash wasn’t part of the plan…

And who – WHO gets STREP THROAT in the summer?!? Anything for attention, eh? Perhaps I can tag along with Mayor Dave on his next ‘trip’ to Amsterdam and see if they have any meds which might help…(or at least help me forget…:-)

Sounds like a name for a country song; right up there with “I’m Sick and Tired of Being SICK AND TIRED!”

Truth be told, the real fun doesn’t start until this week; as whatever I have always gets passed on to my poor wife. Then again, her title for a country song (inspired by me obviously) would be; “I’m Only Lonely when I’m with YOU!”

Rhythm & Booms; Skyrockets in Flight?!?

Willie B — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:49:29 +0000

OK – Rhythm and Booms – The BIGGEST FIREWORKS SHOW IN THE MIDWEST; “Skyrockets in Flight”..?!?

…Have you ever actually listened to the words of ‘Afternoon Delight’ by The Starland Vocal Band? The lyrics are, let’s say; A BIT FRISKY! Try being ‘Dr. Karoke’ at The Tower Inn in Monona some Friday night and sing it with a your niece…before Cris Hanson and Dateline Internet Preditor arrive!

Now that I’ve set the stage (don’t do us any favors there Wills!…:-) for R&B, I can’t shake that song everytime I announce it on the air…reminds me of that great line from ‘16 Candles’; ‘The Good Lord did not put me on this earth for my ears to be garbage cans!”

On a ‘nicer’ topic: See UW has the ultimate Father’s Day gift! Well, ultimate for me…just too bad my own family doesn’t admit to knowing me – much less read this tripe…But for your dad; how about the old Badger Football Homecoming posters? From the 1920s thru present day, they look marvelous!

And for the ‘macho man’ in your dad, did you see that one of our own won the Strongman Competition? Joe Oakland of Stoughton is the real deal. Won events such as, and I’m not making this up; The 600 Pound Tire Flip! Jeez – all I can manage with a ‘600 pound tire’ is to sit around and stare at it, as I’m calling a tow truck to ‘flip it’! So note to self; don’t make Joe mad!

And whatever you do – don’t break into ‘Afternoon Delight’ in his vicinity unless you’re armed with a 700 pound tire and you’re ready to ‘flip it’!

Lions, Tigers, BEARS and MALLARDS!

Willie B — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:05:11 +0000

How many bear sightings in Dane County are we up to now? More than a hundred – less than a million? Literally, every day someone sees Yogi (or at least ‘Boo-Boo’…:-). Now, the ‘BS’ (as in ‘Bear Sightings’…:-) has extended to the township of Vienna. And pity the poor souls who actuall SEE said BEAR…methinks if I had a close encounter of the Bear Kind – or ‘BS’ for short; all that would be visible of myself, would be my backside running for dear life!

Sorry, no time to play the ‘BS Drinking Game’…:-) Where are those UW kids the one time you need them?

Excuse me for confirming the rumors of my ignorance; but doesn’t your average bear have better things to do than roam the Madison area? Perhaps with all the construction (I-39/90, Pleasant View, Mineral Point Rd., etc, et al) the bear community also has to take detours.

Speaking of ‘pothole repair season’, I see WDOT is spending ‘billions and billions’ for nifty new lanes, etc. I only mention that, to report Carl Sagen NEVER said ‘billions and billions’?!? Yep, watched every episode of ‘Cosmos’ ever made; cannot explain the theory of relativity / evolution / chaos theory, etc…but DID manage to catch ole Carl not saying billions and billions…”billions upon billions” granted…as in “billions upon billions of bear sightings”!

From bears to MALLARDS! There is NO better way to spend a summer’s eve than watching some baseball at the Duck Pond! But have you noticed, everybody at every Mallards game is busy eating! If not stuffing your face, people will loan you their food! Hey – one great American pass time meet the other great American pass time!

And for all the food leftover after the Mallards games – waste not / want not! Just ask any bear, like the one out by the dumpster RIGHT NOW!

Willie ‘B’ – for Brats!

Willie B — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 16:19:23 +0000

Brat Fest set a new world’s record! And in my best tacky sounding southern accent I respond with; “And I Helped!”

Friday, “Take Your Brat to Work Day”…so far – so good. Fletch and Heather are at Willow Island drowning in a sea of brats. My wife and many friends go out for the fun as do several employees of the ole Radio Ranch. So I figure, somebody’s gonna bring me some brats back as I’m on the air til 7 and THE ONLY PERSON AT THE STATION!

Say what?!?

Oh – that’s right…it was the kickoff of Memorial Day Weekend, and maybe – just maybe; the world at large had better things to do than deliver, then ’spoon feed me’ a pyramid of brats. Hungry? Not ME! Hey, I ate day before yesterday…

Alas, I get off the air and there’s enough brats in the kitchen to fill Camp Randall Stadium! HOW NICE! More than enough after all, and they didn’t forget ME! And I’m just hoping my cats enjoy the leftovers!

Speaking of CATS: saw an article (at Madison.com) titled ‘Are You a Lawbreaker?” All about Madison ordinances which even fine upstanding citizens (aka ‘me’…:) violate. Under the headline is a picture of a guy walking his cat on a leash! So it is with full apologies to my cats ‘The Great Catsby’ and ‘Puff Kitty’ that they will be up there with the Al Capone memorial room at Northwoods Retreat, or an episode of ‘Cops’, because a cat leash is obviously part of their version of the ‘Kitty Cat End Times’…

Could be worse; as I explained to them (?!?), at least you’re not one of the geese at the airport or around Delavan, whose days are definitely numbered!

Goose flavored brats anyone?

Mallards and McDonalds; I’m Loving It!

Willie B — Mon, 24 May 2010 15:59:51 +0000

The most certain sign of spring appears June 2nd…THE MALLARDS HOME OPENER! There is nothing, and I mean nothing, like a topping off a long summer day with Mallards baseball…and of course; ‘Popcorn, peanuts and cracker jacks’…and what rhymes with “McDonald’s Extra Value Meal”?

The Mallards ‘Friends and Family’ package has something for everybody (especially if you plan on appearing on ‘The Biggest Loser’); 4 bleacher seats, 4 mallards hats, and putting the ‘T’ in ‘tradition’; 4 Extra Value Meals! BTW: I’m one of those who ADMIT; I like McDonalds, and as I’ve already covered the ‘chocolate covered bacon on a stick at Wisconsin State Fair, then I’ve already covered my ‘health food‘ obligation…:-)

And did you notice – I’ve gone this far into Mallards ‘fanfare’ without mentioning BEER? So far, this blog is suitable for even the ‘youngsters’ (I feel as if i should mention Topo Gigio with an Ed Sullivan voice every time I say ‘youngsters’…:-) However, suitable for youngsters goes right out the window if I stay with the Ed Sullivan theme when Jim Morrison defied ‘Mr. Sullivan’ by using the word ‘Higher’…Ed evidently had powerful forces on his side, as we see how poor Jim Morrison turned out. But that’s another story and let’s not let it interfere with the All American Pasttime…

So enjoy the spring and those long summer evenings at The Duck Pond! And in the spirit of, let’s say, Joe DiMaggio…how about a chorus of ‘Joltin Joe DiMaggio‘? Then again, the only ‘joltin‘ would be my cholesterol level after too many ‘extra value meals’…:-)

Chocolate Covered Bacon and ETERNITY!

Willie B — Mon, 17 May 2010 15:30:35 +0000

“Blaze of Glory”?!? OK, as Queen asked: “Who wants to live forever”? That said, how would you like to check out? And for most, the ole ‘blaze of glory’ approach has its appeal. You know, scoring the winning TD for the Badgers against let’s say, Ohio State…seeing Grandma at the end of a tunnel while simultaneously the crowd at Camp Randall goes wild over your last worldly act of ‘heroism’…:-)

Well, since we all gotta go one way or another – that’s cooler than most.

However, I see my demise…like an old “Twilight Zone” episode, I sense exactly when – and how – my time will come. Sorry, no winning TDs, no blaze of glory. I predict my end at THE WISCONSIN STATE FAIR…and cause of death? Funny you should ask:

CHOCOLATE-COVERED-BACON-ON-A-STICK!

Remember last year? As if America isn’t morbidly obese enough, it was this “delicious new treat” which made the national news! “Look Marge, those cheeseheads have found a new form of capitol punishment…”

Half the ‘fun’ (supposing there’s an ‘afterlife’) would also be the look on everyone’s face; “He died of what?!?” They’ll be recreating it all on ‘CSI-Madison’ (or at least “Hell’s Kitchen”…) So, here’s to watching your life pass before your eyes as you partake in a ’stick of hardwood-smoked-honey-cured bacon, covered in milk chocolate’…Hey; who wants to live forever? When you can purchase a slice of immortality for only two dollars – (and if that doesn’t work, 2 for $3!!…:-)

SUMMER MOVIES (Run Away, Run Away!)

Willie B — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 15:25:28 +0000

My son Grant always seeks out new movies – the worse the better. Found the trailors for this summer’s crop, and minus any naughty words (it won’t be easy…:-), here we go;

SEX AND THE CITY 2 – The first of a thousand sequels this summer. This time Manhattan’s adorable sluts head off for ribald adventures in the party capital of the world – the Middle East. SEX AND THE SUNI.　

ROBIN HOOD – Russell Crowe adding extra dimension to the legendary character. For the first time ever Robin Hood sleeps with all of Maid Marion’s friends and is hostile to hotel employees.

SHREK FOREVER AFTER – What difference does it make? It’s all about the opening weekend and selling DVD’s.

IRON MAN 2 – Not that they’re stretching things just to pop out a sequel but Iron Man faces his biggest challenge – an evil genius with a can opener.

MOTHER AND CHILD – Drama exploring mother/daughter dynamics, zzzzzzzzz. Hot sex scene between Naomi Watts and Samuel L. Jackson! I don’t know if he plays the “evil” man in this or the “righteous” man but he sure plays the “lucky” man.

For my money. give me the oldies but GOODIES! My two favorites of all time; AMERICAN GRAFFITI and HARVEY…invisible rabbits and cruising the strip in 1962…they don’t make’em like that anymore – and why not?!?