Rated R – 1h45

Aye dios mio! When it comes to fun trashy movies, you don’t get much better than Machete. Heck, just saying the name is fun.

Part action, part Spanish soap opera and a full dose of B-movie mockery Machete exceeds on just about every venture it sets out on. You’re taken on a ride that spans from some caliente fighting, to the touchy immigration issue all the way to pop culture trash queen Lindsay Lohan. (No, she still doesn’t qualify as an actress after appearing in this.)

Machete (Danny Trejo) is described as a FBI, CIA, DEA and Federale’ all rolled into one. He’s one major macho mustached man, not meant to be messed with. Three years after the loss of his family at the hands of an evil-fat Mexican kingpin Steven Seagal, Machete is thrust into the center of an assassination plot. He’s hired to kill at sleazy US Senator (Robert De Niro) who wants to build an electrified fence to keep illegal aliens out. Of course, demonizing politicians is good fodder, so they make him extra evil.

They messed with the wrong man, and that’s when Machete starts to cut it up.

The list of Latino stars in Machete is long, and all deserve some amount of credit. It’s way awesome to see Danny Trejo getting a lead role. Cheech Marin is a double-shotgun wielding priest. Jessica Alba is a by-the-book Immigration officer and tough chick Michelle Rodriguez was actually tolerable as the head of an underground people’s army.

Lost fans will clap (I did) upon the screen appearance of Jeff Fahey, who plays the politician’s even more evil aid. It was like he stepped off the set of his role as Captain Frank Lapidus in Lost and into his role in Machete without changing a hair on his head.

Director Robert Rodriguez is well known for his blood spilling action stylings, and on the surface this is just good example of his eye candy. Look a little beneath and you see there is actually brilliance in the way he parodies every angle of the immigration issue. From crazed self-appointed border patrols to illegal Mexican laborers using lawn care equipment to start a revolution, it’s witty. Outside of Onion Magazine I can’t think of another forum that has addressed the issue by hitting the nail on the head.

Side note: Machete was originally just a phony trailer in Robert Rodriguez’s 2007 film Grindhouse. From what I could put together with my friend Steve, the full movie included every scene from the trailer. Yeah for movie nerds like me!

Popularity: 1% [?]

Rated PG-13 – 1h27

I didn’t hear the tubular bells, but I did get a little spooked with The Last Exorcism.

Knowing that this was the sixth in a long line of exorcism  movies, I brought pea soup and holy water with me to the theater. Not to prevent the demons, but rather to throw at the screen upon my disappointment. Nothing was hurled though, and I was pleasantly surprised with this scary flick.

The Last Exorcism is not necessarily a title that designates it will be the last in the series, but rater the last for our hero, “Father” Cotton Marcus. “Father” is in quotes because Cotton admits that he is a evangelical trickster. He knows there are people willing to pay for the service of exorcising demons. He doesn’t believe in demons, but does believe that if his sideshow gives them some relief, he has done something good for the possessed and their family. A twisted form of psychotherapy I suppose.

Deciding to allow a documentary film crew to shoot his last exorcism, before leaving the job behind, Cotton and his faith are put to the test when the spirit cleansing turns a little too real. It’s interesting how likable Cotton Marcus is. We know he’s a grifter. He knows he’s a grifter, but you feel as if he is doing some kind of good in the world. I can’t say giving small shocks to the people he is exorcising is ethical, but it does seem to achieve the goal.

The Last Exorcism doesn’t exactly compare to the original, but I don’t think it’s trying to. There are some eerie moments that will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. There is a possessed teenage girl who makes some disgustingly creepy faces.

This is more of a modern take on how an exorcism may happen today. The frights are real, it’s original and it was fun.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Adam reviews the new bitey horror movie Piranha 3D. Nom, nom nom.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Rated R – 1h29

If anything, horror movies like Piranha 3D teach us that college spring breakers must be severely punished for their hedonism. How else will they learn the hard lessons of life, except for being torn to shreds in a semi-campy bloody mess?

The B-movie story is really not what you are paying for when you go to see this but here’s the rundown anyway. A tremor at a popular spring break lake destination in the southwest opens up an underwater cavern where prehistoric Piranha have been living. Then the fish get real bitey.

What you do pay for is the scary and goofy idea that plays on your fears of water and some “R-Rated’ college humor (a lot of it). The killer fish don’t disappoint in their method. Of course the para-sailer who keeps dipping down into the water has to turn into a torso. Of course the flotilla of people trying to save themselves has to tip. Of course an outboard boat engine has to be turned into a weapon. This would be a lesser movie without cliché trash like that.

It is odd that the Piranha may actually be the hero’s of this movie. The spring breakers pollute the lake as they party and don’t respect the Sheriff’s authority. Jerry O’Connell portraying a “Girls Gone Wild” style videographer simply needs to be fish bait. The cast of extras who get bitten are extremely guilty of poor acting. We should be thanking those fish.

When you add in brief and mildly entertaining cameos by Richard Dreyfuss, alluding back to his Jaws days and Christopher Lloyd as a Doc Brown-like fish expert, Piranha isn’t a complete waste of time. Elisabeth Shue plays the local sheriff who tries to warn the people. (Side bar to Elisabeth: I don’t care that you take dumb roles like these. I still love you.)

My only wish is that Piranha might have taken the chomping over the top to a place where it might have mocked itself. Then we would have had the holy horror trinity of scary stuff, bloody gore and self-deprecating humor.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Adam reviews the new Michael Cera comedy-action-fantasy-video game-real life mash up; Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Rated PG-13 – 1h52

In what may be one of the more enjoyable movie watching experiences I’ve had this year Scott Pilgrim vs. The World stands out as a unique fantasy action-comedy, real world-video game mash up.

Prepare to enter the dulled to violence world of the ritalin induced-emo-neo punk rock-anime-G4-snarky-video game playing generation. Our hero, Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera) who has eyes for a beautiful emo-girl, finds out that he must defeat her seven evil exes in order to be with her. One by one, Scott very stylishly fights off his rivals, but also questions at the same time why he’s putting himself through it.

Based on a graphic novel, the film goes to great lengths to make it seem as if we are watching the live action version of a video game that’s based on a comic book.

The mix of comedy and action is a near perfect and this film is so chock full of Easter Eggs, you’ll need to bring an extra basket. A scene mimicking Seinfeld walks up to the line of mockery, while nodding it’s head at the same time.

Scott is the anti-hero, but that’s what he wants. It’s much cooler that way because it helps the storyline arc from him only wanting to be with the girl, to Scott learning how to believe in himself. The rest of the characters are well placed. Great casting work.

This is the type of film where the premise of using fast paced video game stylized violence and eye-popping special effects are permitted in the real world. I was smitten by the sugary fun.

That being said, there isn’t much nutritious about the movie. You won’t leave a better person having watched it, but hey, it’s fun to munch on pop rocks and Coke Zero some times.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Adam does a video review of The Other Guys, starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Rated PG-13 – 1h47

It’s the same Will Ferrell schtick you already know with some mildly entertaining jokes on the side, but The Other Guys just isn’t comic gold.

Allen Gamble (Will Ferrell) and Terry Holtz (Mark Wahlberg) are a pair of C-list cops who just don’t seem to fit in. Allen is happier busting crime from a desk to help keep his dark side from showing. Terry is angered by his inability to succeed and can only react in outbursts of frustration. Together, they try to reel in a giant case and show their worth.

In some ways this is the typical buddy-cop action-comedy. Two partners who are polar opposites have to learn to work together and draw on each other’s strengths to solve the case. In some ways it’s not as it seems like they know the cop movie clichés, and are making fun of them at the same time.

Take for instance when Gamble and Holtz fall victim to a bribe, three times in a row, but don’t realize they’ve been bribed until it’s too late. Unfortunately, that awareness which made movies like Tropic Thunder entertaining only comes in waves this time around

Walhberg was the standout, and this role gives him the chance to sharpen his comic chops. If not for his angry cop routine, The Other Guys might have fallen right on its face.

This is yet another comedy directed by Adam Kay, starring Ferrell. They teamed up on Talladega Nights & Step Brothers most recently. This isn’t a far departure from the previous work, it’s just not really something new.

My sense of humor means I was the only one in the theater laughing at some of the jokes. A running gag involving music from TLC made me chuckle, mostly because there hasn’t been anything else real funny this summer.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Adam reviews the new Steve Carell movie: Dinner For Schmucks.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Rated PG-13 – 1h40

I know the doctors say I should cut back, but I would love an extra thrilling serving of Salt.

Evelyn Salt (Angelina Jolie) is a female action hero living up to her full potential. She’s right up there with Ellen Ripley from “Alien” and Sarah Connor from “Terminator.”

Salt is a seasoned CIA agent who is accused of being a Russian spy. She goes rogue, but you’re never sure if she’s doing it to protect herself or to get away. We do know she’s crafty, deadly and runs full speed at her target.

The reason I’m enthralled with this story is because it works on my paranoia. Is it a far stretch to believe that the Russians have been training children to be sleeper agents? Not really. Could our former enemies still hold a major grudge against the US? Sure. Could the president ever be tricked into launching our own nuclear weapons? I hope not, but in the action genre, it’s plausible.

I can’t say I’ve always been a big fan of Angelina Jolie, but this seems to be a role tailored to her talents. She’s good looking (I know, an underestimation,) she’s energetic and she seems wise too. The energy in particular really brings this character to life. Jumping from semi-to-semi takes a lot of it ya know.

Salt has to go through the motions of your typical action movie too. The hero has to take out untold numbers of henchmen. Ammunition can never run out. Unbreachable buildings have to be breached. Honestly, she’s right up there rivaling Die Hard, Rambo and Terminator, and this movie makes those clichés fun and entertaining.

I’m sooooo glad that Tom Cruise turned the role down and they did a rewrite to make Salt a female.

Popularity: 4% [?]