Rated R – 1h45

Aye dios mio! When it comes to fun trashy movies, you don’t get much better than Machete. Heck, just saying the name is fun.

Part action, part Spanish soap opera and a full dose of B-movie mockery Machete exceeds on just about every venture it sets out on. You’re taken on a ride that spans from some caliente fighting, to the touchy immigration issue all the way to pop culture trash queen Lindsay Lohan. (No, she still doesn’t qualify as an actress after appearing in this.)

Machete (Danny Trejo) is described as a FBI, CIA, DEA and Federale’ all rolled into one. He’s one major macho mustached man, not meant to be messed with. Three years after the loss of his family at the hands of an evil-fat Mexican kingpin Steven Seagal, Machete is thrust into the center of an assassination plot. He’s hired to kill at sleazy US Senator (Robert De Niro) who wants to build an electrified fence to keep illegal aliens out. Of course, demonizing politicians is good fodder, so they make him extra evil.

They messed with the wrong man, and that’s when Machete starts to cut it up.

The list of Latino stars in Machete is long, and all deserve some amount of credit. It’s way awesome to see Danny Trejo getting a lead role. Cheech Marin is a double-shotgun wielding priest. Jessica Alba is a by-the-book Immigration officer and tough chick Michelle Rodriguez was actually tolerable as the head of an underground people’s army.

Lost fans will clap (I did) upon the screen appearance of Jeff Fahey, who plays the politician’s even more evil aid. It was like he stepped off the set of his role as Captain Frank Lapidus in Lost and into his role in Machete without changing a hair on his head.

Director Robert Rodriguez is well known for his blood spilling action stylings, and on the surface this is just good example of his eye candy. Look a little beneath and you see there is actually brilliance in the way he parodies every angle of the immigration issue. From crazed self-appointed border patrols to illegal Mexican laborers using lawn care equipment to start a revolution, it’s witty. Outside of Onion Magazine I can’t think of another forum that has addressed the issue by hitting the nail on the head.

Side note: Machete was originally just a phony trailer in Robert Rodriguez’s 2007 film Grindhouse. From what I could put together with my friend Steve, the full movie included every scene from the trailer. Yeah for movie nerds like me!

Popularity: 1% [?]

I’m not the kid of grillmaster who would step in an tell another grillmaster what to do on his/her grill.  That is a clear violation of the grilling code of conduct.  Still, if you’re going to be cooking out this Labor Day weekend, I found these tips on how to make your burger more like a restaurant burger.

Happy Labor Day weekend to you:

You know how homemade burgers sometimes lack that exciting, indulgent taste found in your favorite restaurant burgers? Here’s how to fix all that…

1. Choose the right blend. There are numerous cuts of beef that can be mixed together to create the best burger flavor. This post recommends sirloin, brisket, and….oxtail! A more traditional recipe we have calls for half sirloin, a quarter brisket, and a quarter chuck. Try out your own combinations to make your friends ask how you could have possibly made this burger at home. We’re talking fresh ground, by the way. Your butcher will be happy to help.

2. Shape your patty well. You wouldn’t be impressed if you saw a sloppy, too-large burger on a restaurant plate. So take the time to figure out your bun-to-burger ratio, taking some tips from this post on burger shaping.

3. Season the burger correctly. Chefs love salt, which is a large reason why restaurant food generally tastes so much better than home cooking. Take the time to season correctly and you’ll ramp up your burger flavor substantially. See tips #5 and 6 from this list of burger clues for more help.

4. Add a sauce. At Shake Shack in New York City, the signature burger has a delicious sauce (which they use amply) that makes it stand out from the pack. Their recipe? “It’s mostly mayo, with some ketchup, mustard, a few spices, and pickles blended in.” And when they say pickles, they don’t mean relish. Get the exact recipe here.

5. Choose the Right Bun. While a processed bun can make a great burger for grilling out, taking extra effort to make your own buns can make a huge difference. If you want to walk the extra mile for the perfect burger, try making these light brioche buns.

- Thanks to Yahoo.com’s Serious Eat’s blog.

Popularity: 1% [?]

I don’t claim to be a huge fan of baseball. My allegiance actually lies with the fine sport of hockey.  That’s why this major brawl between the Florida Marlins and the Washington Nationals last night caught my eye.

I’m not saying they should allow bench clearing fights all the time, but it does make the game more interesting.  In hockey, we agree that there is an acceptable amount of violence in the sport.

Maybe baseball should do the same?

Check it out and watch for the 1st Baseman who comes rushing in extremely hot.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Just when I thought I was recovering from Yoko Ono nearly destroying “Double Fantasy” and The Plastic Ono Band’s 20 minute performance piece of Yoko called “Don’t Worry Mommy’s only Looking For Her Hand In The Snow” (thank you Neil Butcher)…this comes along.

I think I’m a pretty smart guy and I think I can tell art from trash….but.  The official name of this video is “VOICE PIECE FOR SOPRANO & WISH TREE at New York’s Museum of Modern Art,” but I prefer to call it “Thing That Will Haunt You to the Grave.”

Happy screaming.

Popularity: 1% [?]

Finally, health experts have caught up to what I’ve been shouting out loud since college.  BEER IS GOOD FOR YOU.

A new study suggests that drinkers, even heavy drinkers, tend to outlive those who abstain. “Moderate” drinkers, defined here as those who drink one to three glasses a day, were found to live longest.

The study followed 1,824 people between the ages of 55 and 65 for 20 years: In that time, 69% of those who never drank died, compared to 60% of heavy drinkers and 41% of moderate drinkers.

The findings are still a bit of a mystery. The benefits of a bit of booze are well known: improved heart health, circulation, and sociability.

What’s less clear, however, is why heavy drinkers  like Keith Richards would outlive some folks who never had a drop.  If you go by the Keith Richards plan, (and I don’t suggest you do) I think the preventative medicine is more like pickling the body with preserves than anything else.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Why didn’t I think of this?  Awesome outdoor extreme bowling!

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Here’s my pictures from

. It’s a great event and I really got a feeling of Madison community.

Popularity: 7% [?]

Rated PG-13 – 1h27

I didn’t hear the tubular bells, but I did get a little spooked with The Last Exorcism.

Knowing that this was the sixth in a long line of exorcism  movies, I brought pea soup and holy water with me to the theater. Not to prevent the demons, but rather to throw at the screen upon my disappointment. Nothing was hurled though, and I was pleasantly surprised with this scary flick.

The Last Exorcism is not necessarily a title that designates it will be the last in the series, but rater the last for our hero, “Father” Cotton Marcus. “Father” is in quotes because Cotton admits that he is a evangelical trickster. He knows there are people willing to pay for the service of exorcising demons. He doesn’t believe in demons, but does believe that if his sideshow gives them some relief, he has done something good for the possessed and their family. A twisted form of psychotherapy I suppose.

Deciding to allow a documentary film crew to shoot his last exorcism, before leaving the job behind, Cotton and his faith are put to the test when the spirit cleansing turns a little too real. It’s interesting how likable Cotton Marcus is. We know he’s a grifter. He knows he’s a grifter, but you feel as if he is doing some kind of good in the world. I can’t say giving small shocks to the people he is exorcising is ethical, but it does seem to achieve the goal.

The Last Exorcism doesn’t exactly compare to the original, but I don’t think it’s trying to. There are some eerie moments that will make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. There is a possessed teenage girl who makes some disgustingly creepy faces.

This is more of a modern take on how an exorcism may happen today. The frights are real, it’s original and it was fun.

Popularity: 2% [?]

They always say the way to make a million dollars these days is to come up with that one brilliant idea, or make a nice improvement on an existing product.

Here’s my contribution for the day. I think several movies would be significantly improved with just a slight name change.

Take for instance:

Finding Nemo Delicious

Rear Against Window

Exploding Bridges of Madison County

When Dirty Harry Met Sally

Dude, Where’s My Car Seat?

The Fairy Godfather

Men in Black Tu-Tus

Inception Explained

I’d go see any of these.

Popularity: 2% [?]

Sounds like a familiar cry from an adolescent. From the “department of things we assumed was already true.” Kids don’t want their parents watching their Facebook pages.

A new survey from AOL and Nielsen found that three out of four parents said they insisted on being their child’s Facebook friend with the purpose of monitoring their activity on the social network. For the most part this means checking out their other “friends” as well as wall comments, status updates, and other content to make sure they’re not being approached by shady characters (or doing something ridiculously stupid all by themselves).

One out of five parents said they have asked their child to “unfriend” someone because they weren’t comfortable with the connection; on half of these occasions, it was because mom or dad objected to inappropriate content on the person’s Facebook page. However, many parents said they agreed not to comment on their children’s pages – an important concession averting potential online mortification.

Nonetheless, 30% of teens said they would like to “unfriend” their parents, given the option. Apparently unappreciative of hours spent in labor and years spent slaving over the hot stove, teens were twice as likely to want to “unfriend” their mothers as fathers – perhaps because mothers are more likely to violate the “no comment” rule.

Popularity: 2% [?]