Adam reviews the 7th installment in the Saw movie series: Saw 3D.

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Rated R – 1h30

(1/2)

My belief that cinema can be art and film can open your eyes to a profound message was not aided by watching Saw 7. In fact I will invoke a quote from Ray Romano who once said, “look how much it takes to bore me.”

The only glimmer of light from this chapter in the Saw series is that they are promoting it as if it were the last one. Don’t be fooled though, that’s just a marketing gimmick.

The movie’s plot is not worthy of discussion because that’s not what we go to see the Saw movies for. We want to see the contraptions that produce heaping mounds of gore, while tearing people from limb to limb. The illogical storylines that filled in the remaining gaps were mind numbing and possibly worthy of asking for a refund.

I also can’t say this is a horror movie. I found nothing that invoked horror. It was gory, but it’s a dull gore that you think of when you see roadkill. It’s gross, but as soon as you pass it by, you don’t give it another thought. The semi-grizzly climax will only serve to confuse and annoy those who doesn’t know the back-story of Saw.

I can say the film was not lacking a host of body parts and guts that somewhat come flying at you with the 3D technology. It’s OK, because you could really careless about the characters, or the pieces of them.

Save your money and spend it on Halloween candy instead. I guarantee, it will be more satisfying.

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It’s just about Halloween, so for your eerie pleasure, I present my Top 10 Spooky Movies of All Time. I put a lot of thought into this and these are movies solely ranked by how much they made the hairs on my neck stand up straight.

10. Open Water – Two scuba divers left stranded in the ocean only to face a slow death by sharks. I’m already quivering. freaks me out.

9. Låt den Rätte Komma In (Let the Right One In) (2008) – Nevermind the 2010 Americanized remake called “Let Me In.” The original is in Swedish, and is a freaky and sad story about vampires.

8.Rosemary’s Baby - Roman Polanski is creepy enough, but even after it’s 1968 release, this one still holds up. It’s not so much scary things that are happening in this one, but rather how freaky the characters act.

7. Jaws - The sharks again…freaking me out! Watching Robert Shaw slowly slide down the deck of his boat and into the shark’s mouth has damaged me for life.

6. Silence of the Lambs - It puts the lotion in the basket. Also, this movie makes me hungry for fava beans

5. Anything George Romero, but specifically Dawn Of The Dead (1978) – Romero is the king of the living dead. His movies always have a lot of dread and gloom in them. You also get a subtle message about society hidden in each one. Gore + social conscience. Fun!

4. Alien - It may seem like it’s an action movie, but really it’s more of a scare fest. I’m getting indigestion just thinking about it.

3. Misery – Steven King. Ouch, my ankles hurt just thinking about it.

2. Poltergeist – It’s time to sell the house when you slide into your unfinished swimming pool hole and skeletons pop up out of the water. That and having a big skeleton head jump out of your closet. They will certainly bring your property value down.

1. Psycho - Even with all the scary monsters out there, nothing is actually scarier than a real person who is off their rocker.

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Now sure how I ended up as the Bride of Frankenstein…but enjoy nonetheless…

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     So far, sooooooooo good.  I’d like to say I have my Halloween candy waiting by the front door in a pretty bowl for all the kiddies on Sunday.  But that would be LYING.  I haven’t purchased any treats to give away yet.  Because I always eat whatever I buy before the big dayanyway!  

     In an effort to not overeat the treats this year, I’m waiting until Sunday itself to buy the candy.  But I did grab a bag of candy corn.  Mmmmmm, did you know if you eat candy corn and salted peanuts at the same time it tastes just like a Payday candy bar?  Don’t say I didn’t warn you!

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     Worked like a charm!  One day last week my son really, really didn’t want to do any homework.  But I knew he needed to practice his spelling words before a test.  Enter Pop Rocks.  Yes, I used candy as a learning tool. 

     He’d dip a finger in the bag and lick it off.  That was my cue to call out a word.  Having to spell it while sugar exploded in his mouth was huge fun!  And you know what, he aced the test.

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Tis the season to be spooky and triumphant.

I’ve always loved Halloween.  Mainly because it’s close to my birthday (Nov 1st.)  Candy one day, presents and cake the next.  It was a nice combination.

I also love fun facts, so here’s a bunch about All Hallows Eve.

1. Halloween, referred to as All Hallows Eve, was originally a pagan holiday in which they honored the dead. It was celebrated on October 31 since this was the last day of the Celtic calendar. The celebration dates back some 2,000 years.

2. The ancient Celts thought that spirits and ghosts wondered the streets on all Hallows Eve so they began wearing masks and costumes in order to not be recognized as human.

3. The jack-o-lantern tradition comes from an old Irish folk tale about a man named Stingy Jack. It was said that he was unable to get into heaven and was turned away from the devil because of his tricky ways. So he set off to wander the world looking for a resting place. For light, Stingy Jack used a burning coal ember in a hollowed out turnip. When the Irish immigrated to the U.S. during the Great Potato Famine of 1845-1850, they found that turnips were not as readily available like they were in the homeland. So they started carving pumpkins as a replacement for their tradition.

4. On Halloween, Irish peasants would beg the rich for food. For those that refused, they would play a practical joke. So, in an effort to avoid being tricked, the rich would hand out cookies, candy, and fruit – a practice that morphed into trick-or-treating today.

5. Of all the candy sold annually, one quarter of it is sold during Halloween time (September – November 10) making it the sweetest holiday of the year.

6. Tootsie Rolls were the first wrapped penny candy in America

7. The number one candy of choice for Halloween is Snickers

8. Halloween is the second most commercially successful holiday, beat out only by Christmas

9. The U.S. consumer spends upwards of $1.5 billion on Halloween costumes annually and more than $2.5 billion on other Halloween paraphernalia, such as decorations, crafts, etc. More than $100,000 of that is said to be spent online

10. Candy sales in the U.S. for Halloween average $2 billion annually

11. Halloween is the third biggest party day of the year behind New Year’s and Super Bowl Sunday, respectively

12. Halloween is the 8th largest card sending holiday. The first Halloween greeting is dated back to early 1900 and today consumers spend around $50 million dollars on Halloween cards each year.

13. Approximately 82% of children and 67% of adults take part in Halloween festivities every year14. The official Orange and Black colors of Halloween came from orange being associated with fall harvest and black symbolizing darkness and death.

15. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with “orange”

16. In the movie “Halloween” the mask worn by Michael Meyers is actually the mask of William Shatner painted white

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I think I see a pattern in this year’s Top Halloween costumes.

I choose to ignore anything that has to do with the Snooki and Jersey Shore so I am willingly going to deny a good portion of this list.

Here’s what the top costumes are according to The Daily Beast.com:

1. Lady Gaga. Be careful if you’re going to rock the meat dress – see article re: diseases. Ick!

2. Snooki.

3. The Situation. With or without the abs.

4. Pauly D. Are you noticing a trend here?

5. Any character from Tim Burton’s “Alice in Wonderland.”

6. Steven Slater, the disgruntled JetBlue flight attendant. Make sure to bring a beer as a prop.

7. Iron Man

8. Anyone from “Avatar”

9. Edward Cullen and/or Bill Compton (Vampires)

10. Super Mario Brothers (I like the mustache)

11. Justin Bieber

12. A character from “Toy Story 3″

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OK.  It goes against conventional wisdom, but there is something about having too much of a vacation.  Three weeks is just a bit too much.  2 1/2 weeks is just about right.

It feels good to be back at work.

To celebrate being back at work, let me relive some vacation one more time.  I spent four days in Pairs and a little over two weeks in the Costa del Sol in Spain (the southern coast.)  Here’s what it looked like:

The Eiffel Tower. It's brown.

The Louvre. Tom Hanks was there

The Mediterranean Sea

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